dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
