I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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