4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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