it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
