i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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