i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
