I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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