I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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