Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
