So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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