dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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