oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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