so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he fucked my hip out of place.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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