Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
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