There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
