when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
