just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
