Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize