Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
