Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
