God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
