Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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