My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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