Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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