so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
