Only a mothe r could love this liver
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
