i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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