getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
