my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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