Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize