forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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