1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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