was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
