I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
