The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
