i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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