Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize