I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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