well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
