The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
