I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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