I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
