He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Randomize
