Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
