he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
