Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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