I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just found puke in my bra..
Blood and glitter go together right?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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