just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
