the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
