If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
