I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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