you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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