he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
