kristin has been a bad kristin
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
