Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
