I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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