I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
