Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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