I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
