I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
