If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
