I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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