There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
