mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
