Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
