its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
