I think im going to throw up on grandma
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
