I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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