dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
