ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
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